December 06, 2007

May you have the strength of eagles' wings,

The faith and courage to fly to new heights,

And the wisdom of the universe

to carry you there.

I received that as a prayer for me as I start my career.

Venting

I hoped. Then I got disappointed. Then I hoped again, even more than before. And now I'm disappointed all over again. It's like going up the down staircase.

I'm starting back to school. Spent 2 whole days there, then came home with a headache and went to bed with another one. And the semester just started; I have 15 weeks and 1 day left till the day I graduate.

I need to be stronger than before. And keep trying. And keep hoping. And keep my hands on the wheel. And all that stuff.

Professionalism

I was late for clinical this Monday. I was supposed to be at the hospital at 6:30 AM (no, I didn't mistype it, it's 6:30 AM every Monday). I didn't hear my cell phone's alarm ringing, so I slept all the way to 7 o'clock, waking up only to the noise of the TV downstairs. Being nervous because that was really a disaster, I paged my instructor, told her what happened and rushed to the hospital. I was there by 8 o'clock and right then my instructor granted me the "sentence" for being late: a 3-page double-spaced paper about "professionalism" and the possibility of being downgraded by one letter grade in the final (an A will become a B, a B will become a C, and so on...)

That was so harsh a punishment for being late; I thought it was ridiculous actually.

However, there was one event happened that day that somehow made me think more about the word "professionalism."

Late in the afternoon, I had the opportunity to insert an NG tube on a real patient, not just on a manikin like I did in class. NG stands for nasogastric; an NG tube is a plastic tube that goes in the body by one of the nostrils, down the back of the mouth, through the throat, and then finally lands in the stomach. The other end of the tube can be connected to a suction machine that suck out all the grossly-looking greenish contents in the stomach.

Anyway, I collected all the materials that I would need and went through the steps of the procedures in my head. I inserted the tube in her nose; it went for about 4-5 inches when the patient started gaging and crying. These were just normal reactions from the patient, I knew that, but somehow I got shaken in my heart; I couldn't stand her crying. I pushed it in for about 2 more inches when the dentures of the patient fell out. I realized the tube got stuck around the dentures and all curled up in her mouth. I took the tube out and attempted to insert it again through the other nostril, but this time it stuck in the middle of the nose and the patient was screaming and crying bloody murder. At this time, I didn't have the nerve and the confidence to continue, so I surrendered and hang it over to my instructor. She tried, but still she couldn't do it. I called the charge nurse for help. The way she did it, I have to say it was a demonstration of professionalism. She was forceful and determined in her action, yet she was graceful to the patient. I just stood there with a cup of water in one hand and a pair of scissors in the other hand, speechless.

I gradually realized why the subject of the paper was "professionalism." I stick needles in my patients' skin. I put stuff down on their throats. I do all kinds of invasive things to them. I have to be responsible and professional in my roles, as I am trying to be a part of a big team, as I am determined to save, not to hamper, lives. It takes discipline, discipline, and discipline. I also realized why they made it so hard to get in (and out) nursing schools or medical schools; nobody would want an unprofessional nurse, or worse yet, an unprofessional doctor. We're talking about people's lives here.

I'll finish with my paper tomorrow. I also will protest about my grades being taken off, I've worked hard for it all semester.

At the end of the day, at 6:30 PM, my cell phone's alarm went off. Here is what happened: instead of scheduling it to go off at 6:30 AM, I mistaken and scheduled it at 6:30 PM. It didn't make any sound in the AM hours, no wonder I didn't hear it...Another lesson learned

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Have a good week, everyone!

Instruct the Instructors

I officially received my CPR Instructor card today. Yay! I spent a considerable amount of time and sweat quite a bit for it. No kidding. But I have fun doing it, that's the main point.

I especially had more fun than usual when I had some of my instructors in my very first class. They needed to renew their CPR card, so there they were, sitting there in the classroom and did their assignment like everybody else in there (all of the others were 1st semester students). I had the opportunity that just happened once in a lifetime to instruct my instructors

I had to say, it's not easy to teach them, as they are a very different kind of students. They would shake things down to see how it work and inquire and inquire about it until they get to the root of everything. It's like they alienated themselves from the world when they set their mind on something. And all four of them would ask their questions at the same time, usually beginning with "what if" and "how", which are usually not easy to answer. In short, they were unruly, hilarious, seemingly disorganized but really effective with their ways of doing things. No wonder they became such good instructors.

I loved to see it when Ms. Call, my clinical instructor from last semester, tiptoed through the crowd of people standing there to get nearer to the front of the class, where the instruction video was playing. Because of her hyperopia and the distance between her and the TV, she also had to raise her head while purposely letting her black-framed reading glasses fall down on the tip of her nose to be able to see it clearer. She just went out of her way to make sure things were right. I remembered those times when I was in clinical, I asked her some questions and then she just sat there, letting her glasses positioned on her nose exactly like that, and looked at me with her quizzical expression. She was waiting for me to blurt out my guess for the answer before she confirmed or dismissed it, which helped clear up my brain a whole lot because I had the chance to get more feedback from her. And she was also a special instructor because she always made sure I had a hug or a word of encouragement when I needed. Not all instructors do that.

Anyway, at the end of the class, because these instructors are specially treated (the way they should be), they don't have to do a skills check off or a written test. Hm, they were lucky, I was going to pull out my red pen to give them a grade (just k/d, I'm sure they all got 100).

My professors had taught me a good lesson about learning today, that learning can be unruly, can be hilarious, can be disorganized but can also be effective all at the same time.

This is a long entry, because it is at the heat of the moment. I think that's enough torture to read (I know it is to write ;). Just some last word, I whited out my last name on my card before posting it to make sure nobody can do illegitimate things with it (I know, I know, I am overly careful :)

Good People

I've just been wondering why some people are so nice and others are so mean, down to earth.
The bank near my house has just been robbed. I was there this afternoon and there were yellow tape "Crime Scene" covered all 4 corners of the bank. And there were the police. And the crime scene investigation team. I heard about bank robbery but I've never seen things like this before. I was kind of scare at first because who thought of a robbery so close to my house?

Anyway, I did my clinical today at the nursing home. I didn't really like it. All I did was to look at the resident's chart and to ask that resident a few questions about his life and stuff. And I spent 5 hours doing stuff like that. 5 hours for boredom...

Scrub and Mask

Yesterday I watched a surgery at my clinical. It was awesome. The surgeon cut the skin apart like we cut paper...Then he went deep into the patient's knee, used a drill and put a big old screw in there. You could see the arteries, the veins, bones, fat, blood all over everywhere. It was an unforgettable scene for me.

Hehe, and I had a chance to dress up in surgical attire. My head and shoes were covered up. I had to change to surgical scrubs and wear a mask. Awesome, awesome!